This is War

I'll admit, my life is extremely bland. I sit here both watching TV, listening to music, and typing this post. I should be doing my homework: I have a four page paper due on Monday, and I know I won't have much time to do it tomorrow. I'm tired, yet I don't want to go to bed. I know what I must do, yet I consistently find that I lack the willpower to do it.

I spend my free time watching movies about real men, Secondhand Lions, Gran Torino, or The Dark Knight, movies that I love, movies that I try to learn from, movies whose beauty I admire, yet with all of my admiration for the manly virtues shown, I don't act with one damn one of them. I sit and watch movies or mess around on Facebook, and I don't do my homework when I'm supposed to, more obsessed with comfort than duty.

It's the final two weeks of High School for me, and the pressure is on. Coupled with this is a schedule of work every day until Friday this week.

How many times I have fallen asleep praying the Rosary, I will not say.

But that's just the point: I must admit both the need for my work to be done, and my own ability to do it. So, I ask myself, what's stopping me? Weariness? Maybe. Indifference? No, definitely not.
...Fear? Oh Hell yes.
When it comes down to it, I -our Generation as a whole, I think- desperately fear the pain it takes to make the right decision. We fear that in giving all we've got to give, we may be spent. We fear that we may not be enough. We fear, not dying to ourselves, but dying of ourselves. We fear that our adversary may slay us.

To this fear, there is but one reply:

Photo by: http://zimaq.deviantart.com

We may tire, we may slack off, we may whine. But this does not change the fact that This is War.

In this life, in this war between work and weariness, it's kill or be killed. There is no middle option in which we may do nothing. Either our weariness will overcome us and we will slack off, or we will man up, pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, and Get. Things. Done. 

Do I fear the triumph of weariness? Yes, of course. But it is this fear that I may break down that drives me on, because it is only if I triumph over weariness that I will ever escape it. And it will never be easy.

But then again, welcome to the Spiritual Life. Nobody ever said it would be easy...

...just that it would be won.