An Example

I was sitting here thinking about how leadership doesn't matter to me. I was sitting here thinking about the imagery of the young man carrying the torch, and about how I don’t care. This supposed journey, this giving-of-commands, this head-over-shoulders ability…it finds only bitter contempt in my heart. I was thinking that I’d write a cop-out about my ‘leadership abilities’, and perjure myself on the stand of life, because I don’t value them. It was then that I realized I do…I must.

In this world, we have a dire need for real leaders. In this world of sinful silence, of hellish hedonism, of casual cynicism, of weakness, we need someone good to imitate. For a leader, I realized, was not made to give commands, he is not better than anyone else, he does not place himself in a position of power. Rather he is placed there by circumstances dire, made better by strife and weakness, and commands only the ceasing of all praise. A leader is the one who cries, if only to himself, “Once more into the breach!”

The question faces me, then. It prompts me, seeking out my weaknesses and revealing them before my eyes. I find that sorrow for my failures wells up in my heart as I am asked “Are you a good leader?” To this, I am forced to answer no. But I try.

Between leading small skiers up a hill, leading humbled youth out of the courtroom, leading the procession down the aisle, leading prayer in a small near-deserted classroom, I find that all I can do is set an example. Leading those children, my skiing technique comes into peak performance, striving, as my body does, to show them how to make it up this hill. I remember youth court, where my speeches given as a youth judge sought to embrace the shaking teen sitting at the defense table, to forgive them, let them go, and encourage them never to do it again. And, while leading prayer is one of the least favorite things that I do as a leader of Christ-Centered Youth, I know I can do it well if I can show them a little bit about how to pray, even if it is just a fragment. I know that I can lead the procession down the aisle at Mass if I can focus on the Crucifix above the Altar.

It might not be a good one, and it might not lead in the exactly right direction, but I can—I must—set an example.

I must promise you that I will use everything I can, all the knowledge in the world, my education, my career, all the strength that I have to set an example for you. If I can do better in the future, if I can encourage you up that hill through the dark, and if I can watch you go happily down the other side, I will know that I have done Okay.

Onward, Christian Soldiers.